So... I wrote a blog a few days ago about heartbreak and how I cure it with The Punisher and thought some of you might like to see it- so here it is:

Why I still love The Punisher
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Life

I realize that the category for this should probably be movies but the reason I love it has more to do with life than anything else. For anyone who has ever dealt with loss - the loss of a loved one, the ending of a friendship, or being dumped by a beloved I recommend something that never fails to cheer me up. Yes, you guessed it by the title kiddies... The Punisher. Why you ask? Let me tell you... I recently had my heart broken and was pretty fucked up for a couple of weeks. But then I watched Punisher and it helped me to process the emotions I was feeling in a healthy way- quickly too. You see, at the beginning of the movie all is well. Frank Castle retires and is on his way to a blissful retirement with his beautiful family. Then, well, they all die. Not just wife and kids mind you- every last person in his family is gunned down at a reunion. At the end of this horrible scene that makes me weep everytime (one emotion down- grief) he is hurled into the ocean after being shot and left for dead. Next? You guessed it- he is not really dead and once he has healed physically he returns to the scene of his destruction and when his friend says "Vaya con Dios..." He utters one of my favorite lines in the movie... "I think god is gonna sit this one out." Hmmm, feels like anger is coming up soon... yay.... So, fast forward through the montage of fixing up a car and you get the thing that makes it better everytime... Many, many people die in many, many painful ways. Not that I want to kill or hurt anyone- I just want to process those feelings and this is the healthiest way to do it. Revenge? Nah, Punishment. You all know how the rest of the story goes- and it kind of mirrors heartbreak in a lot of ways- Frank beats himsel up, others beat Frank up, others take beatings for Frank (the hallmark of true friendship) and even though Frank is pretty much had the shit kicked out of him he is still standing. No romantic love story- no new girlfriend- just Frank on a bridge making a promise which I take to heart- that he will always be there for me. That is all it takes. I am always exhausted after the movie but I always feel better. Why? I think that I do have some anger but cannot process it out in any other way. Not healthy to keep it in though- gotta flush it out or it will hurt me more in the end. So, lesson for the day is over- any questions?

*** BTW- although the initial heartbreak is over I really miss the one who disappeared.  It's funny how I go through the whole gamut of emotions- and at the end of the day I know this is not about me- Even Anubis says to stop blaming myself and to understand that I am not the one who walked away- and he is right as always- I have reached out many times in many arenas to the one and had no response- so I will move on having assumed that that is exactly what he has done- I miss him very much- and wish he would contact me just to let me know he is alive- but have stopped opening my email expecting a message. 

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that 's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light 
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face; 
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

My favorite poem today :)

I have lately had to have two separate blogs on the myspace in order to be spared the ridicule of some friends and family members who do not have anything constructive to say about my occult leanings... I spend a lot of time lately doing tarot and inner workings trying to get back on the path that I have been so unceremoniously knocked off of due to my own inability to manage work, school and magick.  I will cross post some of my better myspace blogs here for you to get to know me and my style of writing.